Decepage
by alien09
Summary: Rachel thought she only had to worry about his mom and sister. Turns out, she needs to gain Santana's acceptance too. One-shot.


Rachel wasn't jealous of Santana Lopez; at least not to the extent many people thought she would be. Sure the Latina was the exact antithesis of what Rachel was as a desirable female companion. With skin that glistened like caramel latte, hair that resembled spun silk and a demeanour that verged on the precipice of Kimora Lee Simmons, Santana was exactly the kind of girl Noah Puckerman should be with.

With this in mind, she thought she had exercised a remarkable amount of self-control in keeping the peace about Puck's continued relationship with Santana. While Puck had reminded her time and again that there was no way she had to worry about him banging Senorita Loca ever again, Rachel couldn't help the queasy feeling in her stomach whenever she would see the two of them conversing.

Which was why Rachel felt her insides do a backflip when Puck requested that she spend some time with Santana.

Rachel thought she only had to worry about his mom and sister. Turns out, she needs to gain Santana's acceptance too.

'And you were complaining about bonding with my dads?'

Puck furrowed his brow at her incredulous tone.

'Babe, your dads wanted to put some buckshot through my fine ass the moment they saw us making out on your couch.'

'Well I admit they are a tad overprotective-'

'I had my hand _on your boob_. And I still managed to fucking not piss my pants when we had that tofurkey dinner you made me go to. Which tasted like ass by the way.'

'That is entirely different to me bonding with Santana!' Rachel threw her hands up in the air. 'I'm sure it hasn't escaped your notice, Noah, but she hates me the way Fox News manipulates the truth!'

Puck looked confused. 'Santana doesn't-'

'Who do you think came up with all those derogatory nicknames? Drew on the bathroom walls?'

'I used to throw slushies at you,' Puck reminded her. Rachel felt herself soften slightly, noticing the way his mouth tensed at the corners.

'Yes you did,' Rachel said softly, grasping his hand and running her thumb over his knuckles. 'But that's all in the past.'

Puck exhaled loudly, tugging her into his grasp.

'Look baby, I wouldn't ask if this wasn't important. Santana is kind of my bro, you know? She's had my back for a long time. And I really want her to see how awesome you are. Because you're like fucking incredible underneath those animal sweaters,' Puck gave her a bit of a leer.

'She hates me,' Rachel replied weakly.

'Has she fucked with you lately?'

'Not really. Sure there is the indifferent disdain, but it doesn't seem as malicious as before,' Rachel murmured, half in wonder.

'So c'mon. I fucking went _shopping_ with you and Hummel. I let Beyonce give me a _makeover_,' Puck hissed out the last part under his breath.

Rachel smirked, running a finger leisurely down his chest, enjoying the way Puck shivered slightly under her touch.

'Fine. I will accede to your request. But if she even attempts-'

Puck silenced her with a kiss.

A few hours later Santana regarded with her a cocked eyebrow, hands fisted onto her hips, and Rachel told herself that she needed to develop a better self-defence mechanism against her boyfriend's touch.

'What?' Santana barked out. Rachel resisted the urge to swallow, remembering what she had told Puck earlier.

'Hello Santana. I'm here because due to our mutual relationship with Noah, that we should attempt to-'

Santana rolled her eyes, Rachel's voice trailing off at the gesture.

'God he told you to come suck up to me or some lame shit like that, didn't he?'

Rachel felt herself bristle at the remark, her eyes narrowing.

'_Noah _politely requested that I endeavour to find some common ground with his…friend.'

Santana smirked at the label. 'So you're the one who got Puckerman's balls in a grip huh? Got to admit Man Hands, never thought I'd see the day Puck became a one-woman man.'

'But wasn't he with you at some point?' Rachel managed to choke out, a part of her curious. Sure she had heard from Puck that his entire relationship with Santana had been based on sex, but that was simply his perspective. Perhaps he didn't know the true extent of Santana's feelings.

_Though she did dump him because of his credit score…_

'Sure if I wanted to fuck. But anything other than that and he was out the door,' Santana dismissed with a casual flick of her fingers. Rachel frowned at her words.

'I'm sorry,' she said and Santana blinked in surprise before shrugging her shoulders.

'Whatever. It doesn't matter.' Rachel had the distinct impression that it still did. 'What does is getting Puck to shut his whiny, girly moaning about the shit I give you, and how he wants us to pretend like we're in an episode of Barney or some whacked fucking universe where we're friends.'

'I see,' Rachel murmured, suddenly remembering why this was such a bad idea in the first place. Santana let out a harsh sigh, reaching up to twirl strands of her curly black hair.

'Look I don't, like, hate you or whatever-'

'Really? Please excuse me for believing otherwise,' Rachel bit back sarcastically.

'I'm not gonna feed you some lame line about how I'm sorry because I'm not. I wanted to be Top Bitch and you were collateral damage.'

Rachel remained silent.

'But,' Santana drew the word out slowly. 'You stood up for me at Sectionals when everyone thought I leaked that set list, even after I pretty much made your life a living hell. And that kind of counts, I guess.'

The two girls met each other's stare without flinching before Santana continued.

'And you make Puck happy. Like that retarded kind of happy that I thought only existed in Disney movies. It's nauseating and makes me want to kneecap you both but hey? There's no accounting for taste,' Santana added flippantly and Rachel wanted to see what would happen to Santana if Coach Sylvester saw that her uniform had been shredded to pieces.

But it was also impossible to ignore the fact that Santana actually _cared _about someone other than Brittany or herself.

'Just know that if Puck comes crying to me about how you broke his heart, whatever I did before will be a fucking cakewalk compared to what I'll do to you then,' Santana sneered out. Rachel quirked a small smile in response.

'Thank you Santana. Noah is lucky to have a friend like you,' Rachel said because she couldn't think of anything else to elucidate how she felt.

'Is this after school special over?'

'Certainly,' Rachel agreed, pivoting on her heel and allowing Santana to brush past.

She watched her go thinking that while she hadn't made a friend, she had certainly found an ally.

**Written for prompt over at the meme.**

**Rachel thought she only had to worry about his mom and sister. Turns out, she needs to gain Santana's acceptance too.**

'And you were complaining about bonding with my dads?'


End file.
